


Left Behind

by Esperata



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Abandonment, Alien Planet, Angst with a Happy Ending, Guilt, Injury, Loneliness, M/M, Regret
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-01
Updated: 2017-10-03
Packaged: 2019-01-07 19:52:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12239565
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Esperata/pseuds/Esperata
Summary: Spock is forced to leave Doctor McCoy behind on an alien planet. The crew do not react well.





	1. Chapter 1

“Spock, you’ve got to put me down.”

Spock conserved his breath and refused to answer, instead continuing to stagger on with the doctor in his arms.

“I’ll bleed out if you don’t put me down to heal these wounds.”

It was less a conscious choice than a collapse on the Vulcan’s part that led him to comply, dropping to his knees and letting McCoy slide from his arms as he struggled to catch his breath. While he forced large inhalations of oxygen poor atmosphere into his lungs he reconsidered their options.

The doctor was correct that he needed urgently to treat his wounds. On their escape from the inhabitants, the human had been caught with some sort of barbed wire bolas that had bitten deep into the flesh of his legs before Spock could free him.

While Spock had been able to carry him thus far, they were hindered both by the unstaunched bleeding of iron rich blood in McCoy’s case and a severe lack of oxygen in Spock’s. The atmosphere on the planet was predominantly carbon dioxide. Strenuous effort was extremely taxing on them both. McCoy could counteract this hindrance with a tri-ox hypo but that was not suitable for Spock’s hybrid blood.

“You have to get to the shuttle,” McCoy insisted as he rummaged in his kit for the regenerator.

“We must,” Spock countered, still breathless.

“No. _You_ must. Listen to me,” he continued as Spock opened his mouth to protest again. “The aliens have already set off on their invasion. The _Enterprise_ has to get after them or that whole planet will be decimated. But Jim doesn’t know what’s going on. And he won’t leave ‘til the shuttle is back on board.”

“I cannot leave you… behind.”

“You can and you must.” The doctor softened his tone slightly. “If you attempt to carry me I’ll bleed out before you get there and the delay will cost countless other lives as well. You have to leave me here so I can patch myself up and so you can stop that fleet.”

Spock hesitated and tried to think of an alternative. Any logical option beyond that suggested by the doctor.

But it was still so hard to focus his thoughts. And what the doctor said was correct.

He nodded unwillingly.

“I will come back for you. As soon as possible.”

“I’ll hold you to that.” McCoy smiled. “Now get going.”

Spock staggered to his feet and, with a last look towards his friend, forced himself to continue in the direction of the shuttle.

Just moving and maintaining his breath intake took most of his mental processes. When he finally reached the shuttle though, and was able to inhale the simulated air, his thoughts turned back to McCoy.

Even as he input commands to prepare the shuttle for launch, he was calculating whether he could risk delaying so he might return for the doctor.

By now, McCoy should have stopped the worst of his wounds. Spock could theoretically carry him again. However he was still faced with the issue of insufficient oxygen that would prevent him moving at any speed.

Although he could now utilise a breathing aid from the shuttle supplies.

Spock initiated the launch.

The time it would take him to return for the doctor, and bring him back to the shuttle, was precious time lost in their pursuit of the alien attack force. He could not in good conscious risk people’s lives when the doctor should be perfectly safe where he was.

Still, he found himself illogically repeating his promise to the empty air of the shuttle.

“I will return for you.”

It was harder than normal to focus on the readouts and trajectory of the craft. A fact he put down to oxygen deprivation.

As soon as possible he made contact with the ship.

“Copernicus to Enterprise. Come in Enterprise.”

“ _Enterprise here Mister Spock. Glad to hear from you. We were starting to get worried._ ”

Spock ignored Jim’s light hearted tone and focused on what he needed to convey.

“Captain. The dominant species of this planet have launched an invasion against those they consider their ancient enemies. It is imperative we intervene to prevent a war.”

A brief pause indicated the captain was checking facts and giving orders before he spoke again.

“ _As soon as you’re on board we’ll set off after them Mister Spock._ ”

The idea flashed through his mind that he could request to return immediately to the planet. However he dismissed it straight away. Not only would the captain still be unwilling to leave without his officers but he might need his First Officer when encountering the aliens.

“Yes, Captain,” he replied briskly before implementing docking routines.

“ _I want you and Doctor McCoy to join me in the meeting room as soon as you’re on board. Kirk out._ ”

Spock felt a sudden tension and recognised the sensation as anxiety. As the Copernicus was guided in by the tractor beams, he reminded himself of the logic of the decision to return without the doctor.

This didn’t seem to relieve his anxiety but he was at least able to suppress that reaction.

Jim was waiting when Spock stepped into the meeting room. The Vulcan could feel the ship was already at warp speed and knew that whatever happened now, the decision was unalterable.

“Where’s Bones?” Jim frowned.

“Doctor McCoy was injured on the planet,” Spock answered truthfully, even as he recognised he was avoiding the main fact.

“He’s in sickbay? Why didn’t you say?” Jim demanded, even as he rose presumably to head down there.

“He is not in sickbay.”

Jim stopped and stared at him.

“Then where is he Mister Spock?”

“It was necessary to leave him on the planet.”

“On the…?” Jim continued to stare as if he thought Spock might alter his report. “Do you mean to tell me, you left Bones, _injured_ , on an alien planet?”

“It was necessary-”

Jim’s fist slamming into the table halted Spock’s explanation.

“How could that possibly be necessary?”

“The aliens will decimate the planet of Mu Scorpii If we do not act. I had to return to the shuttle to convey the urgency to you and the doctor had to tend his wounds.”

“And you couldn’t have sent me a message? Stayed behind with him and sent the Enterprise on without you?”

“Communication were possible only outside the atmosphere of the planet. I did not think it likely you would leave without us if you were aware of the situation and it is urgent Captain.”

Jim glared and then strode to the door.

“Jim,” Spock spoke softly but clearly. “He will survive until we can return for him.”

The captain spun round.

“You can’t know that Mister Spock. And I will thank you not to speak to me about anything other than ship’s business for the foreseeable future.”


	2. Chapter 2

Spock had thought, growing up as half human on Vulcan, that he understood loneliness. He realised now that he did not.

Previously, when Jim had been irritated or upset by something he had said or done, it was forgiven the next day. McCoy had explained once that Jim simply wasn’t capable of holding a grudge.

However when the captain entered the messhall the next morning, he ignored Spock completely.

Spock did not in principle object to eating alone. Frequently he had made comments to both Jim and the doctor that it was illogical to waste time over a meal exchanging trivialities. This though wasn’t normal behaviour and he was reasonably concerned.

It had been his expectation that when he saw Jim this morning, he would have the opportunity to fully explain the situation he and McCoy had found themselves in on the planet. His meditation had reaffirmed that their chosen course of action was the only appropriate one.

It had not ceased him turning the situation over in his mind all night though.

His thoughts as he refocused his attention on his breakfast returned to the train his mind had been following last night.

While he could find no logical alternative to their solution, he was well aware that there were a number of scenarios it had been impossible to plan against.

The captain’s accusation that Spock could not possibly know the doctor would survive for them to rescue was of course correct. A contingent of their pursuers may have remained undetected.

While there were sufficient rations to sustain the physician weeks if necessary, he would be reliant upon a local water supply. What if there was no drinkable water? Or there was the possibility that McCoy might be tempted by local flora that proved toxic.

He realised he was merely staring at his own food and had no intention of eating it, as illogical as that may seem. It was not necessary for him to eat at the current time though so he chose to follow his instincts in this rather than begin another internal battle.

“How could you?”

The soft voice distracted him from his own internal analysis and he looked up to see Lieutenant Uhura looking at him.

“He was supposed to be your friend. He certainly thought he was.”

“It was the only logical thing to do.”

She huffed.

“Of course. There’s an old Earth saying, Mister Spock. _You don’t have to run faster than the bear to get away. You just have to run faster than your friend._ I guess you did that.”

She strode out of the room.

Spock was aware of a number of eyes upon him, including Sulu and Chekov who wore matching cold expressions.

With infinite calm, he rose, carried his tray to the replicator and then headed for the bridge.

He felt a logical sense of relief when he reached his post. Human emotions had no place here and he could disregard both his own and the others for the time being as he focused on his tasks.

However he couldn’t fail to be aware of the moment the captain’s yeoman brought him the daily reports.

Spock had spent his waking night carefully detailing the precise difficulties he and the doctor had encountered on the planet along with their exact responses.

He kept part of his attention on Jim as he no doubt read what Spock had been wishing to explain since his return. The captain remained tense and silent though as he signed the PADD to confirm he’d read the updates and handed it back.

Spock unconsciously waited but swiftly realised the captain would not approach him here on the bridge. Perhaps he would speak to him over their lunch.

With an illogical feeling of disappointment, he turned back to his station.

It was not long before the thought occurred to him that he had not yet seen the daily medical report. McCoy was in the habit of bringing it up himself and, often as not, emphasising some of his findings.

M’Benga was not required to do that of course but still, as First Officer, Spock needed to be apprised of any issues that might affect crew duties. Logically, he should investigate why the report was late.

“I am going to sickbay Captain.”

“Sickbay?” Jim didn’t look at him but he tilted his head in his direction.

“The daily medical log has not yet been delivered.”

The Captain waved a hand vaguely in his direction which Spock took as permission to go ahead.

Although he did not seek to notice, it was quite obvious on his journey that the human crew were eyeing him with distinctly more suspicion than usual. It reminded him of their first encounter with Romulans, when several of them had entertained the notion he was a spy.

Stepping inside sickbay initially provided him with a sense of protection. It was an area he had always considered himself to be safe. However he was immediately struck again with the realisation that McCoy _was not here._

Would he see McCoy here again? And would he then be a doctor or a patient?

“Mister Spock! What can I do for you?”

Spock was somewhat taken aback by M’Benga’s warm welcome. He glanced to Nurse Chapel who was still studiously ignoring his presence.

“I came for the daily medical reports.”

“Of course.” M’Benga gestured at Spock as he spoke. “Come on into my office.”

Spock had to suppress a flare of irritation and it took him a moment to isolate its cause.

Doctor M’Benga had indicated the office was _his._

Naturally Spock knew the office was not McCoy’s personally but the CMO’s and as acting CMO M’Benga had every right to refer to it as his.

Still, it left the Vulcan unsettled.

“Leonard’s routine is slightly different to mine,” M’Benga began explaining. “He was a night owl. Sat up late getting these ready for first thing. I’m an early bird but it does mean they’re not ready the minute alpha shift starts.”

“Is.”

The African doctor stopped and looked to Spock in confusion.

“I beg your pardon?”

“Doctor McCoy is a night owl,” Spock explained. “There is no cause to refer to him in the past tense.”

“Ah. Of course not. Slip of the tongue.”

Spock took the PADD with a nod and left. He no longer trusted his control in an environment so strongly associated with McCoy. He had been unprepared for how it would affect him to visit sickbay when the doctor… _his_ doctor… was not in residence.

In fact, he was so preoccupied recovering his equilibrium he nearly walked headlong into Scotty.

“My apologies.” He made to move around the engineer.

“Is that all ye’ve got to say?” the Scotsman demanded before he could leave. “Is that what you said to McCoy before you left him?”

“No.” Spock did not feel inclined to explain the promise he had made to the doctor.

Scotty clenched his fists.

“I should knock your block off.”

Spock awaited the human’s next move with a detached curiosity. He was aware himself that it was possible he deserved such a reaction.

“ _All senior staff, report to the bridge._ ”

Scotty instinctively began moving even as he cast another venomous look at Spock.

Spock hoped the alert would signal they’d caught the invasion fleet and would soon be able to turn from Mu Scorpii and return to their much missed Georgian doctor.


	3. Chapter 3

Spock was meditating.

Or more correctly, he was sat running calculations through his mind trying to gauge the possible human reactions he was likely to encounter now.

They had dealt with the invasion force with relative ease and Jim had ordered maximum warp back from the Mu Scorpii system. However he had vetoed the Vulcan’s request to join the away team.

On the one hand, Spock knew he and the doctor had, for once, agreed on the course of action. It was therefore logical to presume Doctor McCoy would validate his decision and the other humans might lessen their anger at him.

On the other hand, it would be somewhat typical of McCoy to take offense at the fact Spock himself was not returning for him, despite his request to do so. Spock had made a promise. It seemed probable McCoy would judge him to have broken his word.

His door chime provided a welcome distraction from his probabilities of needing a reassignment.

“Enter.”

Spock was genuinely surprised to see Leonard McCoy stepping into his room and stood swiftly.

“Doctor. I assumed you would have been kept in sickbay.”

McCoy dismissed that concern with a wave.

“There was only some scrapes and bruises left Spock. I did most of the treatment myself on the planet.”

“I am… reassured to see you in good health.”

The doctor eyed him critically.

“I gather Jim and the others have been giving you a hard time about leaving me back there.”

Spock said nothing in response to that.

“Well, you can rest assured I gave them a piece of my mind.”

Spock blinked.

“You reprimanded the captain?”

“I told Jim he was being ridiculous. Not only did you do the logical thing but you did what the Chief Medical Officer ordered was necessary to the survival of the away team. He’d have done the same thing in the situation.”

“I understood from the reaction I received that most of the crew believe I… I think the phrase was ‘made the most of the opportunity’… to get rid of you.”

McCoy scoffed loudly.

“Jim shoulda known better. In fact the whole command crew shoulda known better.”

A rather tense silence fell.

“I did not wish to leave you,” Spock admitted.

“Well I know that!” McCoy stepped forward instinctively. “Spock. It wasn’t just your decision. And we both know it was the only choice you could have made. Unless you really _had_ wanted to kill me off.”

Spock recognised the human’s attempt at humour to lighten the situation but he could not let the matter go.

“I did not wish to leave you,” he repeated.

McCoy paused.

“It’s really bothering you ain’t it?”

“It is illogical to be persistently concerned with a matter that was, as you say, the only logical choice and which regardless I am incapable of changing. Yet, I have found myself dwelling on ways we might have avoided the situation if we had been forewarned.”

The doctor smiled sympathetically.

“It’s a human thing.” He shrugged. “If you were human I’d suggest you contemplate some methodology that would help you in similar future scenarios.”

“That is… logical.”

McCoy’s smile was amused.

“I have my moments.”

Spock looked at him.

McCoy was bouncing lightly on his heels, clearly pleased with his small victory over the Vulcan, yet he still looked pale. It was all too easy to envisage him as he had been when Spock saw him last.

Weak and bleeding out, alone on an alien planet.

Spock recalled stepping into sickbay and suffering the realisation that McCoy might never step foot there again. Not knowing whether McCoy was alive or dead. It was a situation he certainly didn’t want to find himself in again.

So he should do as the doctor suggested and take action to ensure McCoy was never so utterly alone, nor wholly apart from him, again.

He squared his shoulders.

“Doctor, I must request that you consider a change in the paradigms of our current relationship with a view to future bonding.”

It was McCoy’s turn to blink in surprise.

“Future bonding? That’s quite a leap from the awkward friends thing we have now ain’t it?”

“I believe it could explain the current awkwardness of our friendship,” Spock suggested.

“That it might,” McCoy agreed thoughtfully. “Spock? Why are you suggesting this?”

Spock considered that carefully.

“You suggested a method to deal with future similar situations. If we were bonded, I would know at all times whether you were well, and you would not be isolated anymore.”

“So this is purely practical? In case I get mislaid again?”

There was a definite tone of annoyance in McCoy’s voice. It was something Spock was familiar with.

“While it does indeed have a practical purpose, the act of bonding it a great deal more… intimate.”

McCoy frowned in frustration.

“Just tell me what you want from this ‘future bonding’.”

Spock looked at the irritable, emotional human currently snapping at him and answered honestly.

“I want to always know whether you are safe. I wish to be able to debate with you. To discuss ideas that will stimulate us both. I desire to protect you from harm where possible. I would like to engage with you on a more intimate level.”

“Does that mean what I think it means?” McCoy was watching him cautiously and Spock suddenly understood that the doctor was scared. Scared to trust his offer.

In answer, Spock stepped closer and carefully took one of the human’s hands. For a brief while he examined it, turning it about and noting the muscle and bone structure. To his slight surprise, McCoy let him do so in silence.

“I believe the human term might be ‘dating’,” he finally concluded.

“You want to date me?”

Spock continued to hold McCoy’s hand.

“I do.”

A wide grin spread across the doctor’s face and he bounced once again on his heels.

“I think I can agree to that Mister Spock.”

“Very well then.” Spock hoped his slight flush was unnoticeable. “I understand the custom is to invite you to dinner?”

“That sounds fine. When did you have in mind?”

Spock arched an eyebrow at the new tone to the doctor’s voice.

“There is no time like the present, Leonard.”

Spock noted the rosy flush with a sense of achievement and he swiftly made plans to provoke that pleasant pinkness as frequently as possible.

As McCoy moved past him to settle more comfortably in the room he leant close to a pointy ear and whispered, “Just so you know, I don’t put out on a first date.”

A green tinge spread rapidly across Spock’s checks and McCoy’s focused eyes showed he’d noticed.

“That’s a pretty blush.” He smirked.

Spock suspected the good doctor would challenge his Vulcan control quite frequently.

It was a challenge he eagerly anticipated.


	4. Chapter 4

“Good morning, Leonard.”

McCoy started at the unexpected voice and felt a pink tinge rise to his cheeks before he could control it.

“Morning, Spock,” he replied as the Vulcan sat opposite him. “You look well today.”

Spock stared and favoured him with an arched eyebrow, clearly not impressed with the attempt at flattery. However that merely played into the doctor’s plan.

McCoy picked up a peach and took a bite, before casually licking the juice from his fingers. When he glanced back he smiled smugly to see a greener flush across high cheekbones.

“Gentlemen.” Jim’s voice broke their attention and both glanced towards their awkward captain. “May I sit with you?”

McCoy looked back to Spock, clearly leaving the decision with him.

Spock didn’t reply verbally but he gestured to the seat next to McCoy in an open invitation. As Jim sat, McCoy tried to gauge the Vulcan’s mood.

It was, as usual, an impossible task.

“I want to apologise,” Jim started without preamble. “I over reacted and behaved unprofessionally.”

“More than that Jim,” McCoy put in, “you let a friend down.”

Jim nodded.

“Yes. I did. And I’m sorry Spock.”

“Your reaction to the situation was understandable,” Spock commented placidly.

“Now, don’t you go forgiving him that easy!” McCoy intervened. “They all gave you the cold shoulder when you needed their support the most!”

“While it is true I was… more emotionally vulnerable during that time, Vulcans do not rely on social support in the way that humans do.”

“You’re half human Spock. You told me yourself you couldn’t meditate.”

“Spock,” Jim interrupted. “Do you mean to say you were… upset at leaving McCoy behind?”

Both his First Officer and CMO turned to him in surprise.

“Well of course he was damn well upset!” McCoy exclaimed.

“Indeed, Captain,” Spock agreed. “No Vulcan wilfully leaves their k'hat'n'dlawa.”

“K’hat’d’what?”

McCoy rolled his eyes and stood up.

“Jim, you’ve got a lot to learn about Vulcans. Coming Spock?”

The Vulcan in question rose calmly and, with a nod to the captain, followed the doctor from the messhall.

Jim watched them go with bemusement. He didn’t think he’d ever truly understand those two.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [The Light Of The Universe](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12343614) by [StellarLibraryLady](https://archiveofourown.org/users/StellarLibraryLady/pseuds/StellarLibraryLady)




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